Metalopnik Review: Whales & Leeches

"Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager" (Nighthawkwill7)
02/06/2014 at 19:39 • Filed to: metalopnik, DJ OPPO, metal

I just picked up Whales and Leeches, the third studio album by Portland sludge/stoner metal quartet, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . This is album is so heavy, you will need a 10,000lb towing capacity to listen to it in your car because the very air inside the cabin of your vehicle will be saturated with metal so heavy, it would register on a geiger counter.

"But Nighthawk, I drive a hatch/kei car/econobox. How can I listen to it while I drive?"

Fear not! This will take all of the regular horses that constitute the horsepower of your automobile and replace them with horses descended from the bloodline of Sleipnir, the eight legged personal warhorse of Odin, the Might Allfather of Asgard. Blessed be his name. 150hp now becomes 1,200hp so congratulations! For the modest price of $11.99, you have given your brown diesel wagon the power of a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport!!

The guitar and bass tones on this album are so thick and sludgy, you will think your car is due for an oil change. The sheer unrelenting force brutality of this record will cause your car to shapeshift into a black, murdered out '68 Charger (If you already have a '68 Charger, then a '71 Hemi 'Cuda will spawn in your driveway) with an endless supply of self-replenishing hubcaps that come off during hard cornering. That's how they got that to work in Bullit, seriously. Summon Steve McQueens ghost and ask him.

By the time the first track is over, you will probably have run moonshine across twelve states, grown the bushiest of beards and magnetized so much pussy that all compass' will now point to your location. That should give you an idea of the level of emasculation contained in this album.

I blew out the speakers on the left hand side of my Malibu while driving home and I was STILL able to hear the music in stereo. Make no mistake, this is the Chuck Norris of metal albums.

On a more serious note. If a blend of old school thrash mixed with churning sludge riffs and a chunky bass sound like your sort of thing then these definitely are the droids you are looking for.

"But Nighthawk, I don't like the metulz."

Then why are you still reading this? *Swings Mjolnir*

Rating: 10/10, Nighthawk Seal of Approval. The Bitchin' Camino

DISCUSSION (11)

JustWaitingForAMate > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/06/2014 at 19:48

Wires is one of the most Jalop music vids I've seen.

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > JustWaitingForAMate
02/06/2014 at 19:55

Dat Impala wagon.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/06/2014 at 20:54

10/10 is a pretty big call. I find the second half falls a little flat. I find that with all of their albums though.

The first half of their first album is some of the greatest metal of all time.

Prehistoric Dog is my go to beer skolling song.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/06/2014 at 20:54

10/10 is a pretty big call. I find the second half falls a little flat. I find that with all of their albums though.

The first half of their first album is some of the greatest metal of all time.

Prehistoric Dog is my go to beer skolling song.

Squid > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/06/2014 at 20:56

Thanks for this, I haven't listened to this band yet. It took me a while to get into the sludge and doom world but I really dig it now. There is something about the mix of rockish guitar work with just pounding bass and drums.

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
02/06/2014 at 21:01

Well I wasn't very objective I guess lol. I like this just a bit more than Murder The Mountains and I loved the hell out of that record.

Squid > JustWaitingForAMate
02/06/2014 at 21:09

I'm now watching all their videos. . . I had a friend tell me about the Impala video a while ago and I kept on forgetting about them. . .

This one is good because of beer can armor. . .

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/06/2014 at 21:23

I still haven't decided which out of murder or whales I liked the best. I've forgotten where I put my CD for whales. I have the record sitting at home though.

I might run it through again, I've got a whole lot of records there that I haven't listened to yet though :/

Garrett Davis > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/07/2014 at 13:08

I was a little disappointed with this album, but I think I hyped it up for myself a little too much. Fucking great band to see live. I saw them when they rolled through a few months ago and it was one of the best shows I've seen in years. Super catchy stuff, and really funny dudes.

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > Garrett Davis
02/07/2014 at 13:10

So jealous that you got to see them live! This album actually snuck under my radar and I was pleasantly surprised to see it at Best Bug while shopping for headphones. I guess the lack of hype really helped me.

Garrett Davis > Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager
02/07/2014 at 13:13

It's a good album, I was just expecting it to be their best.

I definitely recommend seeing them the next time they come through your area, if they do. It was a really fun show.